Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
