i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was like eating out sand paper
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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