Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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