dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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