I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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