i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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