but the lizard people decide everything anyway
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
