Tell her she can't have a vagina
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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