dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
