i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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