We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
