CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We have started to decorate penises.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
