I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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