went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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