I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
