Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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