I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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