Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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