Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
