fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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