I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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