i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
