I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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