yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
