So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
