Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
