Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
