the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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