Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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