DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
