you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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