so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
