YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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