Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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