so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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