This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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