The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
