Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
