I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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