i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
