I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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