a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize