plz talk dirty to me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
false alarm, still single
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