Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
