so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
