You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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