if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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