I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How external is "for external use only"?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
