I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
