he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she told me i tasted like america
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
