Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
