the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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