The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
