ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
