i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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