i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize