u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
