the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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