Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How's work?
Spinning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
