i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
