Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize