ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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