So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
