Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dick very happy bro
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
