FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
