I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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