Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
