i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize