After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
