remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
