She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He felt like a one man threesome
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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