i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
