the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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