I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
