he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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