Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
