where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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