i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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