the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
