What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
