well I can't set my house on fire every night
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
