If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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