Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sex in a hospital.. check
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
