halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
