I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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