Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
