i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
