I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize