I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
