the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
