i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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