This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my poor anus
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
