He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
