is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
