I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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