I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
