life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
