i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
