Your favorite bartender is back from prision
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
