So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
