I just pynch a tree in the face
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
