That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize