yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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