shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
