Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
