I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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